Don’t click “Like” and leave, read, and learn from my mistakes. Feel free to call me whatever you want after.
Janine, read, you’ll lose your patience, but fuck it.
So anyways here’s the problem. A lot of you don’t know the full story. Only a handful of people know what’s up. Sorry about leaving some of you in the dark cause it’s really bad for her and to be honest I can’t really trust putting it up online. Here’s a very broad outline though, dated girl more than once even though, she drinks a lot (a lot), goes to a lot of raves, in other’s people’s words “a slut” makes a lot of bad decisions. Now she wants “something real” and I can’t stop liking her and worrying at the same time, everytime.
But to those who have heard the full story, you know who you are, some of you won’t ever read this anyways, I KNOW I’m being difficult and running around in circles. I KNOW I can look the other way even with the unanimous, “FUCK THAT SHIT, HELL NO.” I KNOW I’ve pretty much exhausted all your words about her and it’s up to me to either stay in it and inevitably get fucked over again or end it now.
However, that’s my problem. I’m afraid of hurting her. I don’t want to hurt her even though all the shit she’s done is a PLANET compared to what I should do to her. I don’t want to hurt her emotionally, I don’t to do what other guys do carelessly.I know that’s what she should get and that she’s getting way more from me than she deserves.
But again, I’m too nice, I can’t be a dick. I can’t hurt the only girl that has made me happy inside.
But then Helen came along, yesterday. I haven’t seen her since February and we had to catch up. I told her about said girl, and she flipped the fuck out and shat on her, like SHAT on her. I mean Janine was bad, but this was damn, this was violent. It kinda hit it home a bit more than others. I couldn’t shake off what was said, it was hard this time. My bubble with the girl pretty much exploded this time and it didn’t roll off anymore. A lot stuck on especially,
“There’s a line you really have to draw. The line that makes you start to think more about how it would make you feel, instead of how much it could hurt her. I can’t believe you made the same mistake 5 times you dumbass. I mean how can you still worry about her feelings so much went she fucked with yours so badly? She doesn’t deserve anything you’re providing her with right now. You know what? You’re that guy, the quote, ‘Nice finish last.’ Yea, that’s sooo you.”
She wanted to hit me for being so nice to her. And finally I was speechless; I ran out of excuses and she kept going. I couldn’t counter anything she was saying.
For once in my life I could see myself straight up dumping her. I could see how heavy the cons were compared to the pros. Inevitably, the weight of “I like her too much” and questions like, “What if she changed?”, “What if she’s serious this time?”, “What the FUCKING if…”jumped into the ring to knock out the cons. But this time, the cons put up a really good fight and, to be honest, there’s a probability that the pro’s will get knocked the fuck out.
All I know is if I do it, I can’t ever look back, I’ll have to cut my self off, like taking a baby off of it’s bottle and move on. Easier said than done right?
Helen and Janine gave me a rocket to fly past her and my friends provided me with GPS, it all depends if I’m competent enough to use it all. Another option is to fly in the wrong direction and explode (malfunction in the form of her) in brilliant flames. Either way, I’m going to hurt again. I don’t like being so fragile.
Of course I always have the last option extremely rare, she changes, and it goes well ;). If you even got this far and don’t know the full story, I can understand the confusion, I’m just an incomprehensible person. If you’re one of the one’s who know the full story, and had the patience to get this far again, thank you, a lot, and I just want to ask that you be there if shit hits the fan, again.
i give you mad props and hope everything works out for you… sometimes the things you work the hardest for are because they’re worth it… i mean, even if nobody else sees it - like how she can make you happy or why you think it will work - i say just keep going with it… at least you’ll never be saying “i wish i would have…”
so again, hope all works out for you, whether its by tomorrow or in another year
